When I started the EO, I had 3 rules: don’t hurt anyone’s feelings, attempt to write about each day within 24 hours and write it until I didn’t feel like it. And since I didn’t feel like it for the last couple of weeks, I decided to take a break.
On Christmas Eve, I was robbed. Well, I wasn’t robbed, my car was robbed. And with my black backpack and my smashed window, the thief also took some joy from my Christmas season. First off, I was robbed. Secondly, I didn’t handle it as effectively as I normally handle things (and that would be effectively) and third, it makes you feel like you are some how to blame (if I hadn’t have parked there, if I had taken my backpack with me, etc).
I figure the person who took my pack back (and my Kate Spade wallet, LG cell phone and a bunch of gift cards) was desperate and needed those items more than me and I should be thankful that I am not left in jeopardy because of the theft. But that would be lying to you, because really I’m just really pissed off and saddened. I didn’t want to speak of it to friends and family at Christmas, or write about it in the The Daily EO. And believe me, it is hard to write of something extra-ordinary when you are wondering about what addict is selling your SIM card for drugs.
I only told those who needed to know (“Um, Susan, do you know you are missing a window?”) and even then I lied about the circumstances. And kept my simmering anger hidden.
December – despite having a 2 week vacation at the beginning – was stressful for me. What was stressing me out? Nothing that in retrospect should have caused a problem. I was worried about taking 2 weeks off after only 2 months in to my job, I didn’t have my Christmas shopping done on time, I don’t have a bed, there are so many boxes that remain on packed, etc, etc. In the end it didn’t really matter, and I am uncertain why things that normally give me pleasure to complete, caused me high levels of anxiety.
Perhaps it is because my brain is finally catching up to my body’s geography. Change is good, change was needed, but after 2 years of searching, deciding and frenetic action, I do not truly know where home is yet. It feels that Emile and I – though holding on to the same life raft – are upon a vexing and fickle stormy sea waiting for our safe harbour. We’re here, but we are doing that thing where you balance something and then hold out your hands as if to say “stay” and try to catch it when it all falls apart.
Security and the fibers of our new life will continue to grow, but I need to catch my breath.
December 31st, 2012 Extra-Ordinary: Getting over it already and so pleased that I got to spend Christmas with my mom and brother and my BC family. The Daily EO is back.