The Daily EO: March 28th, 2016

As the cost of Metro Vancouver storage climbs, I’m facing the challenge of ensuring we are storing only what we must.  I spent several days – with my mother’s help – going through the last 7 or 8 boxes of “stuff” that has survived the multiple moves from address to address.

Being the nostalgic person I am,  I tend to hold on to things that have been imbued with memory for me – especially if those things are small pieces of paper like letters or cards.  How much space can it actually take up?  It adds up – like a phone book (children, ask your parents what a phone book is).   Like a romance movie, there are certain groupings of cards/letters that are tied together with a wrinkled ribbon.  Tucked away like I needed reminding of the fabulous woman I am/was – pursued by many, yet only captured by one.  But I’ll keep the best of them to remember all-consuming Summer Love, the stab of betrayal, and the fallacy of certainty of the future.

It was in a long unopened  package (secured with packing tape) that I found the best treasures – old notes and letters from high school and university from people I can barely remember.  Angst, and break-ups, and unremembered friends, and drama.  Buried within are old unsent notes that I wrote out my feelings but – in fortunate moves that did not belie my youth – were kept instead of sent.  Because if these had been found in someone else’s storage unit, my current self would have just died.  (See that throwback language I am using?)

And so I welcome my first guest bloggers – (estimated based on my handwriting and other items with them) my 17- & 20-year-old self in my most tormented, anguished frame of mind.   And as we know, betrayal is the writer’s greatest muse, so I present my best works certainly – one in poetry and prose.  17 .  .okay, but shouldn’t I have known better by 20?

“Why I Don’t See”

As I quietly watch you
I see love glimmer in your eyes
Why I don’t see.

I watch my love grow each day
Although you squash it
Why I don’t see.

Special Memories return
To haunt me each day
Why I don’t see.

What did you hurt me?
What should I have said?
Why won’t the pain stop?
What should I have done?
Why does my love continue?

Roses frame your heart
I know
You gave it to me.

Do you really not care?
That’s unfortunate.
I do.

I should have let you go.
I did it for you.
Shouldn’t I be happy for you?
The green-eyed monster strikes me.
Why I don’t see.

“Untitled”

How could you possibly know how I feel?  Jealousy is forming cancerous legions [sic] in my body, my soul, my heart.  The more I fight it, the faster it grows and invades and devours the healthy flesh pushing out consideration, understanding, love and kindness.  I don’t want this disease to overtake me, it’s what I fight against.  Who will win or more importantly who will lose?  Does anyone see the struggle?  What I need for the fight has been pushed underneath the sores and diseased tissue.  Can you see the real me?  Can you see her pushing her way through – the shining warmth of her eyes, behind the callous looks of her face?  Look carefully – there she is . . . oh! Gone again in a mass of bent and twisted feelings, I am here.  Please see that . . . Please remember me when I am gone way.  Forgive me the pain, the hate, the jealousy.

The March 28th Extra-Ordinary:  I am not certain the intended audience of either of these “pieces” – Yesterday’s heartbreaks passed.

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Author: Susan

Susan has a lot to say about a lot of things.

2 thoughts on “The Daily EO: March 28th, 2016”

  1. These are truly priceless. I’m sure if I was to find any of my “work” at 17, there would have been a lot more swearing. 🙂

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