We have a gang here in Huntsville. There are 6 of us. We have been trying to recruit more members, but our initiation procedures must be too daunting for the invitees. Most beg off. It’s too bad, because once you are in, you’re in. You get our undying loyalty. We’ll never leave you alone. If someone needs to be told off sternly, we’ve got your back. We’ll agree with you when you’re wrong.
Here are the tasks for completion if you want in:
1. You must finish all of the food left on the dinner table so it doesn’t have to be put away. “Finish it Up!”
2. An interpretive dance representing your feelings about The Gang must be performed under a full moon at the side of a bonfire. Props are greatly encouraged. (Full moon is optional if you decide to complete your dance naked).
3. You must eat so much dessert once that you either have to lay on the couch clutching your belly or be taken to the hospital. (you can drive yourself as well, but you must leave a note).
4. A foreign country must be visited with us – you can pick which one.
5. Perform one barter. If you have no skills, then barter other gang members’ skills.
6. A period of six months of unemployment or underemployment must be served. (Your spouse can serve the time for you).
Beware! Punishment may come for arbitrary infractions. You will not know when it is coming – it could when you least expect it that someone will leap up behind you, put you in a choke hold and punch you in side of the head. But not too hard.
It is so worth it.
August 18th, 2012 Extra-Ordinary: Partying . . . ahem. . . sitting by a bonfire with my gang until the police came “due shots fired according to the neighbours”. Um, wha?! No guns, officer, how would I hold my Bailey’s or bananatini and pull a trigger?