It’s been a long time since Emile and I have been able to make decisions based on what we want to do instead of making the best of a situation that we are in. With unemployment and financial considerations, we made do. We dealt with what we had and were okay with that.
I think “because I want to” decisions are scary than “because I had to” ones.
June 27th, 2013 Extra-Ordinary: Extended our lease until March 2015 because we want to.
I woke up at 8 am and realized that the BMO 8k that I thought about signing up for was already 1 hour done. I rolled over and snuggled back in for another 1/2 hour or so.
May 5th Extra-Ordinary: Some times I make really good decisions.
I’ve touring retirement residences with my grandma and aunt of late. My grandma is going through a 3 year journey where she is recognizing the increasing problems walking are not likely to change. She has lived with the hope that her problems in her legs were strictly due to a lupus flare-up and would improve with time. Nobody – including me – was to keen on telling her that although the lupus causes some problems but it was more likely due to a combination of age and lupus and was not going to get better.
She’s leaned on my aunt’s arm and life for almost 3 years now, struggling to accept that grocery shopping, taking care of everything herself and walks on her beloved quay boardwalk are no longer easy or always pleasant tasks.
So, when she had a bit of a melt down with me one day during the simple discussion of a birthday present, I knew something else was really the root cause of her upset. When she told me “that we don’t do things like that in our side of the family” – excluding me from my her and my dad’s side – I knew she was fighting anger and frustration and sadness and despair in the realization that things were not going to get much better.
Fortunately, I recognized that instead of her meaning that I was out of the family – she really needed direction on how to start considering other living arrangements. And being the direct type that I am – I told her that it is time for fact-finding – not decisions – just facts. Then she could start crystallizing things in her head. As I always say – “Have a plan – you’ll feel better.”
So, we toured two places – Thornebridge and Mullberry – both within 15 minutes of where she is living now to see their offerings. The first day was quite emotional for her and “simply overwhelming”. But she was “impressed”. The second tour was less emotional, and different and “closer to her doctor” of whom she doesn’t like much (Um? Okay Grandma).
When I called her today to see how she was doing, she was fixated on whether the first place has window coverings included in part of the rent – as they can be “quite dear”. And also working on cleaning out her filing cabinet because its “much too big to take”. This is a step forward from pondering how it could be possible to get her bed out of her condo as it was so big “it was terrible to get in”.
And each time I call her, she is deep into lists and and thinking things through, trying to figure out the best way to make her decision. She asked me “What do you think of the second place? But don’t you tell me what do to!” Really, all things being equal for the most part (price, location, service comparison, etc), I thought the food and the servers at the second one was, well, wretched. Well, the food was wretched, the server was okay. My grandma said she didn’t like the server or food too much either, she thought the server at first place was much friendlier and better. And just in case I didn’t know, she told me it doesn’t matter to her about “ethics”. Which I took to mean that she believes all people – including those of different ETHNIC backgrounds – are created equal (both servers were of asian descent).
April 19th, 2013 Extra-Ordinary: Grandma is finding her facts, and is doing much better thanks to having a plan. And I’m back in the family.
I ran to the place where I started my post secondary education – East Kootenay Community College, or as it has been renamed College of the Rockies. I realized it had been 20 years exactly that I had first walked through those doors while many of my friends headed off to university in major centres. I was forced to a college because of my lack of language skills (I don’t have a passing grade in Grade 11 language) – a requirement for university in BC. I dropped out of French after Grade 8 (au revoir Monsieur Vankamp), then attempted Spanish by correspondence. Both failed for different reasons. But the backdoor into the University was through a college transfer after my first year.
I told everyone that I was terribly disappointed, but the truth was, going off to University at 18 was frightening for me. College was much like high school. I lived at home, I had a locker, and the classes were small. I was relieved to have this transition year. Even when I choose my university, I went with the University of Victoria because it was smaller – both the university and the city. My parents both are UBC (University of British Columbia) alumni and I really thought growing up I would be at UBC in Vancouver for Engineering of all things. Seriously – did I not look at my physics grades?
But instead I got a B Sc. in Psychology at UVic. I wouldn’t have met the people in my life that are precious to me if I hadn’t taken that path – Lisa and Jason to name only a couple.
So as I stood wheezing outside the college, I remembered the first psychology and sociology classes I took there and my realization that school didn’t have to be just chemistry, biology and physics. There were other options. Other choices. And Psychology was really compelling.
September 12, 2012 Extra-Ordinary: Thank goodness for having a terrible ear for languages. I wouldn’t change that part of my path even if I could.
The Daily EO 