The Daily EO: June 18, 2013

Sue – thinking about you right now for some reason.

This innocuous message showed up in my email from my Linked In account.  Probably because I refuse to get a FaceBook account, but couldn’t search for employment without Linked In.  FaceBook – the place where people you don’t want to find you, find you.

Anyways, this was from an ex-boyfriend.  From university days.  Who belonged to the sailing club as an instructor and decided that one of his students . .  lets call her Poolie. . . needed some personal battening of her hatches.  But, he was a good guy . .  because he admitted his indiscretion.  Right?

The best part – and the worst – is that after he and Poolie separated, he “missed me” and I some how let myself get involved again.  Really?  Where’s your self esteem, Susan?  Eventually he then “missed her” and returned to and married Poolie.  I generally have mostly forgotten and mostly forgiven this incident – though Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” still reminds me of this time.   The whole cliché thing led to much better things – like best friend Lisa, leaving BC to get my MBA in Ontario, getting a spine and then marrying the perfect man for me who does not have his head turned by pretty little paper dolls like Poolie.  Looking back, I would do it all again for twice as long to get what I have now.

We’ve actually in the last 15 years or so, communicated with each other via email (during the High Fidelity stage of my life), but not someone who I . . well, trust much.

So, not unwelcome, but certainly not a great reconnection.  “Hey remember that time that you crushed my little tender heart – those were the best times, eh?”   “You still married to that other woman?”   “So, um . . . yeah. . .”  Just weird.

Anyways, then I had to decide.  Do I ignore or accept?  Ignore is the same as refusing in Linked In and wasn’t sure that I wanted him to think that I couldn’t handle it.  18 years later, am I not over it?  I am, so what is the harm in accepting?  But then he want to talk.   God.  Not sure I want to.

Wonder if he ever got that front tooth fixed properly – the one that only a mother or infatuation could overlook.  Yes, I noticed it buddy, but I just was dazzled because I was I nitwit.

June 18, 2013 Extra-Ordinary:  Accepted the invitation, because I know I can brag about my life if he wants to talk.  Too bad that made me find out that we live in the same city now.  Sigh.

The Daily EO: April 23rd, 2013

I wasn’t alive when they said “Never trust anyone over 30”.   Back in the 60s anything went – right?  I don’t know, but my university days were much different.  Yeah, if I wanted to I could have found any mind-bending drug I wanted or I could have taken 8 years to get an undergrad degree.  I met some of those types.  But I also met a lot of people who really thought they knew what it was all about.   In my 20s, I knew what it was all about.  I was never going to have to “find myself”.  I wasn’t going to sit around and “expand my consciousness.”    People like that were flakes.   I was firmly within the straight and narrow and happy to be there.

There is a belief that as we get older we get set in our ways.  Less able to learn new things and accept new ways of thinking.  I don’t believe that now that I am getting older.  I think I am less certain of what it is all about than I was in my 20s. I am more open to thinking that perhaps I don’t know everything, that perhaps following all the rules in the mainstream world may not work for me or for someone else.  I guess I am more willing to say Perhaps.

My friend is trying to find her way right now.  And 20 years ago – when I met said friend – I would have rolled my eyes at her and said “Seriously!  Angels?  Spirits?  Breathing?  Come one!  Pull yourself together!  ”  But now, I think “Well, who am I to know?  If it is working for her (and others) then well . .hmmm. . . Maybe there is something there.”  Maybe it is me who is missing out in living my life to the fullest by not partaking in as many schools of thought and methods of introspection as I could?  I too have had to search for my path, spending long days wondering how could things have gone so wrong if I had done everything right?

Last year I tackled religion and spirituality in this blog on Good Friday.  In rereading today, I still think there is more to out there than we can understand, truth that we choose to see to the best of our ability coloured with our bias and perception.  I certainly didn’t begin my adulthood with openness, and while I am certainly opinionated on things like wedding etiquette, but now I am willing to say “Perhaps” on may other things.

I guess that is the wisdom that my mother told me about.

We should really start out with it.

April 23rd, 2013 Extra-Ordinary:  Find your way your way.

The Daily EO: September 12, 2012

I ran to the place where I started my post secondary education – East Kootenay Community College, or as it has been renamed College of the Rockies.  I realized it had been 20 years exactly that I had first walked through those doors while many of my friends headed off to university in major centres.   I was forced to a college because of my lack of language skills (I don’t have a passing grade in Grade 11 language) – a requirement for university in BC.   I dropped out of French after Grade 8 (au revoir Monsieur Vankamp), then attempted Spanish by correspondence.  Both failed for different reasons.  But the backdoor into the University was through a college transfer after my first year.

I told everyone that I was terribly disappointed, but the truth was, going off to University at 18 was frightening for me.  College was much like high school.  I lived at home, I had a locker, and the classes were small.   I was relieved to have this transition year.  Even when I choose my university, I went with the University of Victoria because it was smaller – both the university and the city.  My parents both are UBC (University of British Columbia) alumni and I really thought growing up I would be at UBC in Vancouver for Engineering of all things.  Seriously – did I not look at my physics grades?

But instead I got a B Sc. in Psychology at UVic.  I wouldn’t have met the people in my life that are precious to me if I hadn’t taken that path – Lisa and Jason to name only a couple.

So as I stood wheezing outside the college, I remembered the first psychology and sociology classes I took there and my realization that school didn’t have to be just chemistry, biology and physics.  There were other options.  Other choices.  And Psychology was really compelling.

September 12, 2012 Extra-Ordinary:   Thank goodness for having a terrible ear for languages.  I wouldn’t change that part of my path even if I could.

The Daily EO: July 28th, 2012

Kids, young Adults – don’t count on the world keeping its promises.  Chances are, at some point, the world is going to screw you.  It’s going to set up you and then when you think you’re riding high, or well protected, suddenly you will find yourself saying “What?  That wasn’t the deal!  This isn’t fair”.  It will happen.

So, I offer some advice for those times.

1.  Wear sunglasses all the time – they were protect your precious and susceptible eyes and although you may feel like your 55, your eyes will never show their true age.  But no sunglasses inside unless you’ve just had cataract surgery.  Inside makes you look ridiculous, pompous and vain.

2.  Get as much varied experience as you can.  Trades, higher learning, different industries, varying cultures, etc.  So when you think that your extensive experience and education in your chosen field is enough – and it turns out not to be, you’re ready with a back-up plan.

3.  Don’t rely on retail as a back-up job.  It’s thankless, boring and the pay is crappy.  If you love it, okay, otherwise, stay away.  And this advice should certainly be considered when you’re shopping at H&M.  That kid who is doing an okay job finding you your size 10 pants doesn’t have the best employment.  Give him a break.

4.   I hate emergency funds – they don’t make sense to me.  But make sure you can handle a fluctuating income.  Have credit, a rich relative, valuables to sell, whatever, just count on needing money than planned at some point.  Chances are you will.  But spend it too – what are you saving it for?   So maybe One Day you might do something?  You’d better do it now – things changes and opportunities disappear.

5.  Consider trade school or consider taking some years off to decide what to do.  University is great for some people, for others it is a waste of money.  Consider where you are trying to get, what you are trying to do.  Don’t just go to school because you think you should or someone else thinks you should.  Really think about – don’t tell you’re parents that you aren’t going to post secondary school because some random blogger told you not to.   Think about it, what do you want your life to be?  How are you going to get there?  These aren’t easy questions to answer, so it’s not a weekend process.

6.  Don’t listen to me.  Don’t listen to anyone if it doesn’t jive with what your heart is telling you.  Don’t wear sunglasses, let your money slip through your fingers, go to university for a women’s study degree that means nothing to you.   One day you may wish you listened to me, but hey, you’ll have some good advice to give first hand (if you can still see to type through your sun damaged eyesight).

 July 28th, 2012 Extra-Ordinary:  Doing my part for the next generations.