When I was a kid, my mom got a mug that said “After 40, its Patch, Patch, Patch”. I had no idea of what this meant. I mean, patches were for jeans – which I didn’t wear because I didn’t like them – and were pretty lame. Mom had to explain it to me, using her new post-40 glasses as an example.
I still didn’t get it.
Well, at 38 3/4, I get it. I spent a lot of time with people who need to maintain my aging body that I didn’t need to 15 years ago. Between eyes, teeth, skin, eyebrows, hair, and body, I have to spent time listening to people say “well, as you get older. . .” What the hell? Older?
The worst example has of late been my vision. I’ve moved a lot and gone to a number of eye doctors trying to understand why I see double regularly, can no longer see fine detail up close (sorry about my eyebrows everyone), and have difficulty focusing on the medium distance items. Each doctor says the same “Well, as you get older, you are going to have difficulty up close. Sorry, it’s an age thing.” Older friends, smiled smugly at me and said “I told you so.”
Okay – I will work on accepting that. I am getting older.
Wait!
No, I CANNOT accept that. I cannot see. I look at my computer and then cannot focus on somebody that comes into my office. This is a problem and I think I have cataracts, glaucoma, a detached retina, and I don’t what else! Well, maybe that is not really true, but there is something wrong. I cannot see!
So going to yet another eye doctor after 5 different ones in as many years, I was hopeful if not doubtful anything would change. I hadn’t wore my contact lenses all week because I simply cannot see with them properly. I can’t see without them properly either, so what did I have to lose?
My eye doctor turned out to be a bit crazy – crazy like a FOX! After asking me a whole bunch of questions, doing a whole bunch of tests, he announced “It’s a good thing you found me!”.
It turns out that my eyes have been over corrected for at least FIVE years by at least -1.00 in each eye. Think about that for a minute. My prescription was -1.75 in each eye. That means that more than half of my prescription was causing my poor eyes to squint, strain, and otherwise fight against me. No wonder I couldn’t see close up, or medium with them in.
As my eye doctor said “It hurts me when I think about this”.
As well, the astigmatism that I had as a kid was not “grown out of” like one eye doctor told me – it is one of the reasons that I am see double – uncorrected astigmatism.
This also seemed like the place that I should confess all my eye sins, and all was forgiven as long as I promised in the future to change my habits.
I must tell you, my crazy like a fox eye doctor thinks I am one of the most exciting cases that has walked into his office in years. And when I told him I tend to have a lazy eye as well, he could barely drag himself away from me to move onto his next patients.
With everything confessed, examined and analyzed – he recommended glasses. And we stopped seeing eye-to-eye for a moment there. Glasses don’t work for me – they make me break out (like everything seems to), I am careless and lose them, they get filthy and my long long beautiful eye lashes brush against them. They are are *right* there all the time.
We compromised with daily contacts and a promise to never wear them overnight again. Okay, Okay! Hail Mary! Hail Mary!
March 24th, 2013 Extra-Ordinary: When I stepped out into the sunshine wearing the correct – finally! – prescription in toric lenses, it was a revelation. Normal people can see close, medium and far well at the SAME time – did you know that?
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The Daily EO 